Mummy’s Saturday morning:
5am – Awake for the day after a wakeful night
6-7 – Patriarch takes baby so mummy can nap
7am – Play with grumpy tot. Repaid with another explosive shit. Have already tossed two irrecoverable vests this week. This one will just have to bear poo stains
7.45 – Eat cold toast, walk Baby to sleep in the sling. Buy half price baby clothes at the local retail park
8.15 – Buy ingredients for this recipe
8.25 – Back at the second home AKA Costa. Get coffee
8.30 – Baby wakes up after two sips of coffee. Walk Baby round the establishment on my shoulder with his toys still pinned to jumper. Other customers mystified. Staff inured.
9am – Walk home but don’t go in because Baby has fallen back to sleep and Patriarch deserves a lie in after his early weekday starts
9.45 – Back home to feed His Highness. Eat apple 14 hours after initially washing it. Try to salvage identity as a twenty-something humanities graduate by editing novel-in-progress. Get used as climbing frame by cat.
9.55 – Hand sleeping baby to husband. 5 minute shower. Forget towel. Drip scuttle to laundry cupboard.
The eighteenth century long title for this would be Mummy’s Morning, or Things Mummy Has Done Before 10am and Whilst She Chose to Start a Family and is Grateful and Blessed to Have Done So, A Salutary Tale for Those Who Do Not Intend to Have a Baby.
“Grown up” rocky road might sound like an oxymoron since rocky road is really just other sweet things glued together by chocolate. However, here we are aiming for the sophisticated palate by using 70% dark chocolate, roasted almonds, salt, dates, shortbread, and marzipan.
In order to make this vegan, use egg free marzipan (most supermarket varieties) and dairy free shortbread or another type of vegan biscuit.
200g 70% dark chocolate
100g shortbread or other biscuit (vegan or gluten free if desired)
25 roasted almonds
5 pitted dates
Melt the chocolate, either in the microwave or over the hob. Be careful not to burn it or it will be gritty and unpleasant.
Crush the biscuits. Leave some chunks big and others very small. Rocky road is all about texture.
Halve some almonds and leave others whole.
Roughly chop the dates.
Roll the marzipan into marble sized chunks.
Mix all these into the chocolate then pour into a lined brownie tin. Sprinkle with coarsely ground salt. If your almonds are salted, use a little less to top.
Chill in the fridge for around two hours until set before cutting into chunks.